Why Do I Need Constant Validation From Others?

Mansi Kothari

16 hours ago

2 min read

Woman discussing something with a man in a room — *Image Credits: Magnific*

“Do you think I handled that well?”

“Are you upset with me?”

“Does this look good on me?”

“Do you think I’m good enough?”

We all seek reassurance sometimes. It is a very human need. But when you constantly need someone else to tell you that you are doing okay, looking okay or making the right decision, it may be worth asking yourself why.

In my work as a psychologist, I often see that the need for validation is not really about other people. It is often about how we see ourselves.

Where Does the Need for Validation Come From?

Somewhere along the way, we may have learnt to doubt ourselves.

Perhaps you grew up being compared to others. Maybe appreciation came only when you achieved something. Or perhaps your feelings were often dismissed. Slowly, you may have learnt to look outside yourself for the reassurance you didn't quite have within.

So today, a small criticism can feel much bigger than it actually is. Someone not replying to your message may make you wonder, “Did I do something wrong?” A simple disagreement can make you question your entire decision.

The problem is not that you care what people think.

The problem begins when their opinion becomes more important than your own.

How Can You Build Self-Worth Instead of Seeking Approval?

Building self-worth takes time. It starts with learning to pause before asking, “What will they think?” and asking instead, “What do I think? What do I feel? What feels right for me?”

You don't have to stop valuing other people's opinions.

You simply need to stop needing them to feel worthy.

Because confidence isn't always saying, “I know I'm right.”

Sometimes, it is quietly knowing:

“Even if someone doesn't approve of me, I will still be okay.”